Self Deprecation: This or That? Or That?

       Every human being, more often than not, is going to be faced with decisions to make. That’s a major part of life, choosing one thing over another, taking one path instead of a different one. In life, decisions can be difficult to make, especially if they are going to have a major impact on your lifestyle and how you continue to go on after you make that decision. So naturally, any big decision being made need to be given lots of thought, as it could potentially change your entire life. But then there are the decisions that should be made easily, without much hesitation or thought. Like when the waiter comes over with his pad of paper and asks simply, “What would you like to drink?” Just the simple question of what beverage I’d like to have with my meal can leave me muttering a series of “I don’t knows” under my breath. Morgan, it’s a drink, not rocket science, yet my indecision and lack of the ability to make any type of decision what so ever can make what should be a simple “Iced tea, please,” a mission to the moon.

Ordering food is no different, in many ways it's even more difficult. Recently, my family made an impromptu drive into Boston during a snow storm, because that's clearly a very smart and thought out decision. We were all starving and decided to stop at the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. After waiting a while for a table to clear up, we were seated. The waitress handed us our menus, which might as well have been a textbook the thing was so thick. Instantly, I started to feel stressed out, there were pages upon pages of different salads, pastas, and meats. When it came time to order our food, I was flustered an unprepared. So, I waited to order. I sent the waitress back to wherever she waits while I make the hard decision as to what I want to eat that night. I told her I wasn't ready and she left, clearly annoyed with my request. Eventually I narrowed it down to two meals, I which I then has someone else choose which one I ate because the decision was too stressful.

Never go shopping with me. Ever. I’m warning you now, you will probably want to kill me or yourself multiple times during the experience. Maybe even take the both of us down in a murder-suicide scenario, if you're really feeling destructive. I’m incapable of committing to a piece of clothing or a bag of chips until I know everything that’s out there. What if I find something I like better or want more, but I already wasted my money on this shirt that now seems useless? What if I find something similar somewhere else for a cheaper price, allowing me more bang for my buck? One time while I was shopping with my friend, I purchased three different shirts. Then, while eating mango chicken in the mall food court, my quick decisions came back to haunt me, and what I had bought no longer seemed like the right choice. So within the couple hours or so we had been at the mall, I bought 3 shirts, then returned them. Eventually I bought completely different clothes, but not before I got a good look at everything each store had to offer. The best thing stores have ever come up with is the option to put items on hold. You just ask them to put what you want behind the register and no one can have for a specific amount of time besides you. This allows me to completely look around before making my final decision, but keep anything I may want available for me. Let’s just say I use the option to put stuff on hold so frequently, it could probably be made into a drinking game. Now there are many ways I could end this essay, but I really couldn't decide. So if you could just save me the trouble of stressing for another hour that would be great. Just pretend I said something really heartwarming or funny and we can call it a day.